(277 votes, average: 4.86 out of 5)
Loading ...After buying some groceries, my dad and I were unloading them from the car to the refrigerator. For some reason, my dad only pronounced the first syllable of every word.
Dad: Can you pass me the broc?
Me: Sure *hands broccolli*
Dad: Can you pass me the app?
Me: Yeah *hands apples*
Dad: Can you pass me my crack?
Me: WHAT?!
I look at my dad pointing to the Ritz CRACKERS we had bought.
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(389 votes, average: 4.90 out of 5) Loading ...A few years ago my mum went away for a few days on a vacation, leaving me, my dad and two younger brothers to fend for ourselves.
My dad was making sandwiches for my brother’s lunch, and asked him:
Dad: Do you like beef?
Leon: Yeah.
Dad: Do you like Nutella?
Leon: Yeah, that’s nice.
Imagine his surprise when he opened his lunchbox to find a beef and Nutella sandwich inside.
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(267 votes, average: 4.89 out of 5) Loading ...While channel-surfing, my dad stops at an educational channel that’s showing a documentary on Neanderthals—at a part of the documentary that happens to be without narration. After two full minutes of watching a Neanderthal going about his business in silence, Dad uttered: “This is a really long Geigo [sic] commercial.”
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(174 votes, average: 4.70 out of 5) Loading ...text #1 from dad:
(Yo supYo supYosupYo)Jenfferedadcareyouforeq
my reply:
Wow congratulations! U sent me a text message
text #2 from dad:
Daftthankyouencourgene
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(83 votes, average: 3.80 out of 5) Loading ...My friend couldn’t take care of this puppy he found and had to give it away. I told my parents about the puppy. My dad did some research and sent me this email at work today:
Matt.: From google research, the begale is very active animal. She needs to exercise every day. Without the boundary or fence, she will run away due to hunting behavior. She needs a well training at the beginning otherwise she never obey her master. So before you bring her home, please finish the following things:
Wah! Good luck!
Dad
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(291 votes, average: 4.90 out of 5) Loading ...Dad: Hey, isn’t this yellow watermelon so sweet?
Me: Yea, it’s pretty good.
Dad: You know how I choose it?
Me: You slap the watermelon, right? And pound it?
Mom: Yes, you have to slap the watermelon to see if there is juice.
Dad: NOOOPE. That’s not how you do it.
Me: Then how do you do it?
Dad: YOU POKE THE BUTTHOLE. AND IF THE BUTTHOLE IS HARD, THEN IT IS GOOD. IF THE BUTTHOLE IS SOFT, IT IS NO GOOD.
According to him, 10 out of 10 times it has worked.
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(190 votes, average: 4.80 out of 5) Loading ...When my parents were filling out my birth certificate, my dad wanted to name me after my godfather (whose first name is Jason). However my dad forgot how to spell Jason. So instead of my middle name being Jason, Jayson, Jaison, Jasen, or any variation that sounded like Jason, my name is now Kevin ‘Jessen’ Ho.
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(190 votes, average: 4.84 out of 5) Loading ...I asked my dad if he remembered my mom’s birthday, which was last week, via text.
Dad: I forgot…
Me: Me too. What should I do? Should I write her an email
Dad: Have some action tonight.
I think he meant “take action”…
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(205 votes, average: 4.83 out of 5) Loading ...My parents and I were on the way back home from the grocery and decided to pick up my little brother from school along the way. Because I was driving, I asked my dad to text my brother asking him to come to the neighborhood next to his school. My dad brought out his reading glasses and was intently texting 15 minutes straight.
My brother comes out of the school laughing with these texts in his inbox:
Dad: Test.
Dad: Come hond.
Dad: Come hood.
Dad: Test.
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(293 votes, average: 4.87 out of 5) Loading ...Today is my 25th birthday, so my dad called.
Dad, “Happy birthday! You know, 25 years is the center of the normal curve. Your health will now start declining.”
Thanks, Dad.
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