My Dad is a Fob

Recycling Star!

Posted on November 8, 2009 at 11:16am

This is my dad about to make a dash to his car on a rainy day. You can get it for your dad at Macy’s, too.

Architect or cock?

Posted on October 26, 2009 at 11:34am

Apparently I’d fallen asleep while chatting with my mum the other night. She was worried that I was stressed and not sleeping/eating well. Dad told me this today, so I tried to assuage him by telling him my sleeping was regular, and that I’d been doing well on the eating front. I told him that for dinner, I had leftover beef noodle soup (牛肉麺) with soba noodles and a cucumber/avocado/grapefruit salad with a grated ginger/ground sesame seeds/ponzu dressing. This was his reply.

Worry Warts

Posted on October 22, 2009 at 02:06am

An actual email written by my dad to my youngest brother, which he graciously cc’ed to the rest of the family. At the time, my brother Jon was studying abroad in China.

Jon,

Morgan forwarded your e-mail to him to us. We understand you bought a bike. I hope you will be careful in riding the bike in China. Most of the time they are not obeying the traffic rules. The car never allow bike or pedestrian go first. The car and other biker make turns without signaling. I hope you will be on guard all the time when you are ridding your bike. We don’t want you to get hurt. Your mother wants you to put wet towel on your neck if you feel too hot outside. Keep the chocolate with you until we told you to contact him. Are you using the clean wipe to clean the chopstick and bowl before eating? When you had loose stool, did you take the pill? You should take the pill as soon as you don’t feel right. It always worked for me and stopped the problem right away.

Love you,

Ma and Dad

Bill Gates on the Move

Posted on October 17, 2009 at 08:56pm

Dad: When migraine geeks
Me: Migraine?
Dad: Sorry, I mean migrating geeks.
Me: Migrating geeks?
Dad: Yeah. Goose. Plural is geeks.
Me: You mean geese.

Tang Emperor Had Many Cucumbers

Posted on October 10, 2009 at 08:56pm

While vacationing in Xi’an, my dad explained the story of Emperor Xuanzong and his favorite concubine, Yang Guifei.

Me: WHAT? He had that many wives??!
Dad: Yes, but Yang Guifei was his favorite cucumber.

Facebook Should Be Off-Limits

Posted on October 4, 2009 at 04:11am

Three offenses in quick succession:

1. Dad joins Facebook
2. Dad misspells his own name in his profile
   (Chinese can be bad at plurals, but on their own names?)
3. First photo comment, on a picture of my pregnant sister in her newly decorated nursery:
   “The nursery is really shapping up, the animal mobile is a great hit, and Audrey you look like carrying a twins.”

Well Done.

Posted on September 27, 2009 at 11:43pm

I don’t talk to my dad often while I’m in school, but I was panicking about my immense amount of work and, seeking reassurance, had the following text conversation with him:

me: So I should just be able to work all night and get it done, right?

(a minute later)
me: Well?
Dad: I hope so!

(7 minutes later)
Dad: A hole in the ground with water in it.
me: What??
Dad: A well.

Your Friend, Cello

Posted on September 25, 2009 at 11:17pm

So I emailed my dad an update about dorm life and all the people I’ve met and this was his response…

For those annoying people, try to stay away. Do not show your dislike them, especially in public. You need to hang on old friends. Do not dump them when you have new friends. Decide not to go to Tucker’s audition? You are dumping your Cello.

We miss you very much
Love
Dad

Dog, The Almighty

Posted on September 24, 2009 at 10:06pm

HI, Gina,
How is the mattress? If it is still hurts, you need to see a Doctor. You need to get used to the new job. If the work load is too much, you can talk to your manager. Does everyone work that long hours? It should be getting better as it goes. The current heavy load may be
cumulated as people are expecting your arriver. The two years working experience is very important to your career. I will talk to you this weekend. Julie got a new god last night, 6 weeks old. it pees everywhere.

Hanging there

Dad’s Answer to Everything

Posted on September 21, 2009 at 09:34pm

“Yale student’s story on newspaper is horrible. So, be careful and have a few friends always. DRESS CONSERVATIVELY!!”