Archive for the Stories Category
Posted on February 20, 2010 at 08:30pm
My dad always sends me these emails that can be described as broken English (although my dad doesn’t actually speak like this…) and he always signs his emails with his name, instead of something like “dad.”
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Subject: Happy Chinese New Year
Joanna,
Where are you going to spend Chinese New Year eve? Home with friend? Out eat with friend? Have a fun and enjoy, no alcohol please.
What do you want me to bring for home?
Jeff
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After this email, we exchanged some information. I told him that I wanted this chapstick that I was only able to find in Taiwan. I told him I wanted 2. In the morning I woke up and saw this email:
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Subject: Re: Happy Chinese New Year
I got it that cost you NT$ 200.00.
Jeff
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Thanks dad. That’s US$6!! This isn’t the first time he’s asked me for money either… for my mother’s birthday I asked him to buy her flowers and we’d split the cost.
I called my mom and asked her if she got flowers. My dad, often being “economical” (or the nice way of saying cheap)… My mom says “he got me carnations.” Then in the background I hear my dad yell “you owe me $2.50!”
Posted on February 13, 2010 at 08:58pm
I’m taking AP biology and we’re learning about genetic recombinations in bacteria. One way that bacteria can achieve genetic diversity is conjugation, or “bacteria sex.” The are joined by a sex pilli. My dad walks into my room and it just happened that I was looking at my teacher’s conjugation slide that included the word sex pilli. My dad takes a quick glimpse and exclaims:
dad: “WHA! SEX? WHAT IS THIS?”
me: “dad, this is AP bio, the word sex does come up.”
Posted on January 19, 2010 at 02:32pm
Part of Stanford’s application involves answering the following essay question:
Virtually all of Stanford’s undergraduates live on campus. What would you want your future roommate to know about you? Tell us something about you that will help your future roommate — and us — know you better.
On his own initiative, my friend’s dad decided to take a crack at it. This is his final draft…
If my future roommate ask my any friend ,is Peter very very like to participate in school’s activities and friend’s party ? Well than he must get the answer that is YES. Certainly, with my friends, I very very like taking about how to approach the world and nature., doing home work, watching movies, shopping and taking dinner at a restaurant With my friends, I feel they do need me ,and that enables me to do something. So that I am sincerely exciting.
Virtually, letting everybody liking you is not easy thing. To remember since grade 10, I am highly interested in Math, Biological Science and Chemistry, and I have taken many additional courses about those. I participated in some Notional Contest and got great achievement. Gradually, some classmates ask me some questions. Sometime I knew how to solve at a glance with a little bit haughty attitude to answer. As a result, my classmates did not recognize me as a excellent person, and then become a “hero” among them. Therefor, I specially stray at a period. I begun to think and tried to do something for changing. At beginning, I corrected my prideful attitude, and lend an attentive ear to their to their ideas, and take a respected, humbly and patiencely with hem to discuss questions, and try hard to let them understand my solving ways. Whether how asperity language that even insulted my self-respect a student made, I still keep my temper with highly complaint when we met impetuosity dispute. On this time, I always talk to myself in my heart to try nicely treat people. Because they ask me questions this case means they have recognized me and respected me. How can I suffer from a small chagrin? Gradually, I have learned to allowance people. I feel more rap off each other is the best way to understand each other. Sometime I try to find out my disadvantage and outperforming myself. I face a mirror and give me a representation, and figure out a nice expression, to figure out a honest eyes that clap eyes on people, to figure out a suitablebility of dumb show and stand pose when I speech to somebody. Finally I have taken those format to affiliate with people.
By the way, I will tell my future roommate, I would move in the bedcharmber in advance and patiencely wait he will coming. Then we will discuss to arrange how to use the space, then I will open my baggage. Maybe you could hear the welcome music I perform with viloa before you will enter the room.
Posted on January 6, 2010 at 12:09pm
My parents are both empty nesters, so there is no reason why they each have their own minivan, but they do. My dad is REALLY into keeping it clean, tuned up…he takes care of his van. This is his latest project to increase the value of his van should he decide to sell it. Notice the ‘fruity’ carpet goes from front to the back of the van, he even meticulously cut out the holes for the chairs to fit perfectly. Here’s to my dad, in all his FOB glory!
Posted on December 25, 2009 at 12:09pm
My dad is a gift-giver, and he recently presented me with these three gifts after a business trip to Shanghai. The middle koala thing is a little four-holed out of tune ocarina necklace, and the koala is glued on, so there’s no getting rid of it quietly… PS, I am 21 years old.
Posted on December 15, 2009 at 07:56pm
I called my Dad to wish him Happy Birthday. It turns out my parents were out shopping at the outlets.
He said, “I’m in the car waiting. You know your Mom. Always shopping. First for handbags at the Dooney Dooney. Then Coach something. Coach First Class, whatever.”
Posted on December 12, 2009 at 10:10pm
We asked our parents to officiate at our wedding. When it was my father-in-law’s turn to speak, he looked around proudly and recited…
“Who takes this broad to be his lawfully wedded wife?”
Posted on November 22, 2009 at 05:32pm
I received an email from my dad this week with only a subject line that said “Self Massage.” There wasn’t a message, just a video file, also titled “Self Massage.”
With a subject line like that I wasn’t sure what my dad was trying to tell me. Why does he think I need a massage? What exactly am I supposed to be self-massaging? Is it because I am stressed out with school? Or is it because I’m single and don’t have someone else to massage me in places I would otherwise be able to massage myself.
I finally opened the video a couple days later. Turns out, dad sent me a CCTV (Chinese television) clip of a doctor explaining ways to give yourself a head massage. I’m now supposed to rub my temple clockwise 20 times a day. Thanks for looking out, dad.
Posted on October 17, 2009 at 08:54pm
This is for you Viet people out there.
My dad is Japanese and my mom is Vietnamese. Today we went to a Vietnamese restaurant and as we were packing up the leftovers, my dad went so far as to label the containers. The container of rice (com in vietnamese) read “Gum”. Another container containing soup (Canh Chua) read “Gun Jew”. The container of meat (thit kho) read “Tikkaw”. I couldn’t stop laughing even after we got home!
Posted on September 9, 2009 at 12:41pm
I was knocking to go into my parents bed since their master bedroom washroom has the stored toothpaste & my washroom had ran out of toothpaste.
As I was on my way to my parents room, before I even knock, my dad yells out loud, “DO NOT ENTER! I AM IN SEXY MODE!”
I’m guessing, or pretty sure that he was changing into his pajamas.
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