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Social studies have never been my strong suit. My dad was trying to give me the Cliffsnotes of politics during a recent lunch together…
Dad: …and then there’s the Tea Potty, which is mostly for reach people. Some reach people like to be politically conservative because it means less taxes. I don’t know about the Tea Potty’s policies, but they are a conservative potty…
Me: Dad, potty is that thing you used to carry in the car’s trunk (when I was a toddler, we had a portable potty for long road trips). It’s party.
Dad: PAHRRRRRRRRRR-ty. Okay, got it.
Me: And it’s RICH, not reach. Reach is like, “out of reach.”
Dad: Like you and that A in school.
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My dad was telling me over MSN Messenger about our upcoming vacation to China. He highlighted a couple places we would be visiting:
(04:35:42 PM) Dad: We’re going to 桂林 and 黄果树瀑布 (Asia’s biggest fall)
(04:36:19 PM) Dad: There will be a lot of good “sideseen” (I hope I spell it correctly).
He meant “sightseeing” :).
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The other day, my dad and I were watching the England vs. USA World Cup match. We were discussing their jerseys, and this is what he said.
Dad: I don’t like the America shirts.
Me: Aw, but I like their jerseys.
Dad: I don’t. They look like American pigeon.
Me:…Pigeons?
Dad: Yeah. Stripe make them look like Mrs. Oklahoma. MISS AMERICA!!!! Like that.
Turns out he meant pageants.
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My mom went on a trip to Tokyo and I saw her on Skype, so I thought I’d talk to her to see how much fun she was having. Instead, my dad signed on at home and this was the response I got:
Me: mama liu!
Dad: since mama liu is in tokyo japan w/ auntie, she certainly did not bring laptop, will not talk by skype. this is her groom simon papa at home. while at work, be focus, don,t let leisure mood ruine ethics n morality.
Me: LOLL okay!
Dad: thank u for ur attention. over!
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I was listening to the song, “I Want You You Want Me” when my dad’s friend walked by:
Friend’s dad: Oh! I know this song! It’s from the movie, uh, “I Have Five Reason To Not Like You”
Me: Uh, do you mean “10 Things I Hate About You”?
Friend’s dad: Oh, yes. That’s it!
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I was eating dinner with the family and I was ranting about the unfair grade I got in class.
Sister: You need to take a chill pill (to me)
Dad: You taking pills? Is that why you doing bad in school?!! Who sold you pills!!! (slams table)
Sister & me: hahaha
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These are email exchanges between my dad and me. He helped me calculate my tax return.
daughter,
Your auto insurance is due on 26th, so I pay it online today.
dad
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Thanks dad. How much was the bill?
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$29500000! X 0.00001. Get ready to write a big check, also don’t forget uncle Sum! Are you ok?
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Yea I’m okay. Why do you ask?
P.S. It’s uncle SAM!
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I mean if you are ok with your money. Don’t need to replay if you are ok.
Very important—-focus on the exam— every minute is help— don’t let other people bother you — friends, boss, what ever, you know we care you the most.
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I reached a financial goal, and I told myself, once I reach it, I’d invest in some mutual funds. I have a basic idea on how mutual funds work, but I wanted to understand it better. So I asked my dad, who’s an accounting professor:
Me: Dad, how do mutual funds work?
Dad: It’s like a bibimbap of stocks. If the bibimbap is tasty, you can sell it for a profit. If the bibimbap is not tasty, you fire the fund manager and probably lose money.
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Whenever my friend and his family visits American restaurants, they only order hamburgers because that’s the only food they know how to order in English. However, they’ve always desperately wanted to try eating an American steak, so one night at a Sizzlers, my friend’s dad wanted to be adventurous and try ordering a steak (remember, he doesn’t know ANY English)…
Waitress: Hi guys, have you guys decided what you want?
Dad: Steak.
Waitress: Okay, how do you want that cooked?
Dad: …Steak.
Waitress: Right, okay, so how do you want it? Rare, medium, well done?
Dad: Yes.
Waitress: Yeah I know… umm, do you want it pink? Red? What color?
(Dad puts his head down in shame)
Dad: …Hamburger…
(222 votes, average: 4.91 out of 5)
Subject: It’s a Boy!!!!
July 2, 2010
A great exchange between my pregnant sister in law, fob father in law and my wife…
Pregnant sister in law: Just had perinatologist appt. It’s definitely a boy! Brain, heart, kidneys, spine, arms, legs are all normal!
Dad: Oh, Boy! Have you decided his name yet? Email us the picture, mom and I like to see the little “extra piece”
My wife: I’m actually a bit disturbed…
Pregnant sister in law: Very weird comment from him, as usual…
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