My Dad is a Fob

Dad’s Not Shittin’

Posted on December 29, 2009 at 07:57am

So my toilet broke and my dad wrote a sign on it; it reads:

CAUTION!
NO SHIT (ddong)
ONLY URINATION (ohh jeum)

English Idioms

Posted on December 27, 2009 at 05:53am

My dad has been in America for a long time, but his understanding of idioms and phrases is still limited.

Me: Frank Sinatra could sing for a long time.
Dad: Yeah, he could really belch it out.
Me: Belch?  What the hell?
Dad: Yeah.

Me: I fucking love Lady Gaga.
Dad: She’s just a flash in the pants.

Dad: He’s butt-naked.
Me: Butt-naked?  Isn’t it buck-naked?
Dad: That doesn’t make any sense.

All Girls Must Like Girly Gifts!

Posted on December 25, 2009 at 12:09pm

My dad is a gift-giver, and he recently presented me with these three gifts after a business trip to Shanghai. The middle koala thing is a little four-holed out of tune ocarina necklace, and the koala is glued on, so there’s no getting rid of it quietly… PS, I am 21 years old.

Human Value

Posted on December 20, 2009 at 03:52am

After starting a new job I did really well with one customer and they sent in an email praising me specifically and chuffed I forwarded it to my Dad to show him how well I was doing. He replied…

You are lovely.
How does it feel to be an asset?
Try not to depreciate :)
Love, dods.

xxxxxxxxxx

This Is A Test

Posted on December 18, 2009 at 06:47am

my dad sent me some weird email w/ some disgusting pics in it.  and his preface to the email was this:

“Be Brave to look at it.”

Disregard for Brand Names

Posted on December 15, 2009 at 07:56pm

I called my Dad to wish him Happy Birthday. It turns out my parents were out shopping at the outlets.

He said, “I’m in the car waiting. You know your Mom. Always shopping. First for handbags at the Dooney Dooney. Then Coach something. Coach First Class, whatever.”

Bad Bride?

Posted on December 12, 2009 at 10:10pm

We asked our parents to officiate at our wedding. When it was my father-in-law’s turn to speak, he looked around proudly and recited…

“Who takes this broad to be his lawfully wedded wife?”

Advice for Healthy Teeth

Posted on December 10, 2009 at 05:38pm

Dear J,

It is an advice that after each lunch meal, you drink some water, before swallow in, to use your tong to go around teeth and to clean them, if you don’t brush them after meal. It is realy good practice to keep your teeth healthy for long term.

Love,
Dad

Sexy Remark

Posted on December 10, 2009 at 12:27am

My parents and I were getting ready to go out. My dad was trying to take his murse (male purse) and I was giving him a hard time about it, so he decided to forgo the murse. Later on before we left, he saw me grab my very own purse… and so goes this convo

Dad: hey YOU’re carrying a purse.
Me: dad’s it’s okay because I am a girl
Dad: well that’s a SEXY remark.
Me: huh?
Mom: you mean SEXIEST, yubo.
Me: whaat?  you fobs, you mean SEXIST?!!
Dad: yeah that word.

Dad on Facebook Etiquette

Posted on December 7, 2009 at 09:33pm

My sister was talking to my dad about a friend on fb who posted a somewhat offensive note and keeps trying to IM her.

Sister: He’s so annoying–I just ignore him all the time.
Dad: Why don’t you deface him?
Sister: Really?
Dad: Yea! I do it all the time!

*Silence*

Sister: You mean “unfriend” him?
Dad: But it’s FACE-book.