My Dad is a Fob

First Impressions

Posted on November 30, 2009 at 06:39pm

My parents are in China and have just met the girlfriend of a family friend. This is our conversation via gchat.

me: what’s she like?
dad: thin
pale face
cool palms
we touch her hands
not warm
her hands are not warm

Family = ?

Posted on November 29, 2009 at 06:17pm

gchat conversation with my father:

me: what r u doing
Dad: playing with computer and listening mom’s gossip while she is cooking
Dad: do you know what family stands for?
me: no what does it stand for
Dad: i will give a hint. “fa” stands for father.
me: LOL
m
stands
for mom
?
Dad: you got it, “M”. YOU SHOULD ASK PEOPLE TOMIGHT ABOUT ILY
me: LOL
HAHAHA
what does ily
stand for?
do you know what LOL means
Dad: OK. Father, Mother, I love You= FAMILY
DID YOU GET IT?
me: AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
yes
I DO
that is nice
daddy
good job
now, do you know what LOL MEANS?!?!
Dad: Laugh out loud

Best Music Video of All Time—ALL TIME.

Posted on November 25, 2009 at 08:05am

I went to go visit my godfather this past weekend for his 60th birthday, and while I was checking email after dinner he pops his head in the room and asks me:

Godfather: Do you want to watch Beyonce’s DVD with me?
me (right now I’m confused because what 60 year old man know about beyonce?): Why do you have Beyonce’s DVD?
Godfather: Because I just bought it
me (by this time I’m laughing): Why did you buy it?
Godfather: Because! I like Beyonce!
me (still laughing): umm….no, I think I’ll pass….

My godbrother tells me about an hour later over facebook that his dad told him that he just watched the best music video of all time.

Getting His Winter Fashion On!

Posted on November 23, 2009 at 05:46pm

This is what my uncle requested as a gift for Christmas; not a coffee mug, or fishing pole, or money but Uggs. Moreover, he is also very proud of the fact that he knows how to sew!

Self Massage

Posted on November 22, 2009 at 05:32pm

I received an email from my dad this week with only a subject line that said “Self Massage.” There wasn’t a message, just a video file, also titled “Self Massage.”

With a subject line like that I wasn’t sure what my dad was trying to tell me. Why does he think I need a massage? What exactly am I supposed to be self-massaging? Is it because I am stressed out with school? Or is it because I’m single and don’t have someone else to massage me in places I would otherwise be able to massage myself.

I finally opened the video a couple days later. Turns out, dad sent me a CCTV (Chinese television) clip of a doctor explaining ways to give yourself a head massage. I’m now supposed to rub my temple clockwise 20 times a day. Thanks for looking out, dad.

What Goes Up But Never Comes Down?

Posted on November 20, 2009 at 11:45pm

One day while playing ping-pong with my dad, I decided to tell him a joke—yes, that famous joke that everyone knows the answer to. This is our conversation…

me: What goes up but never comes down?
*Dad thinks for a very very very long time and very very very hard*
me: Did you hear me?
Dad: yes, I did.
*Dad thinks a little more”
Dad: This is a hard one… butuhh i think its…*pause* The… inflation of the dollar rising in value which results in… uh… the cost… and… (somewhere in his explanation I get lost)
me: Dad, the answer is ‘your age’
Dad: Oh. Well, that too, I guess.

Dads Don’t Do Lists?

Posted on November 18, 2009 at 11:00pm

I’ve been bugging my friend to submit this, but she kept forgetting. SO I thought I’d send it in anyway. Her dad wrote out a grocery list to remember what to get at the store. Check it out!

Ox…whaaat?

Posted on November 17, 2009 at 07:15pm

I’m a Masters student in English Literature applying to Phd programs next year, and since I spoke to my dad about applying to schools in Australia, UK and Canada, my dad sent me this email about a potential school to look into.

haro girl,

Do you rember last time I told you to apply to that Universtiy in the uK call cow something one? It is Top univeirsty in your field, apparetnly i heard your aunt Josie say Ming Ur cousin got acpted. Mebe you can consider it as well.

Love from Home,
your Daddy

Only One on the Tree?

Posted on November 15, 2009 at 07:00pm

An email from my dad about a giant guava that is only 1, 1 year old??

———- Forwarded message ———-
From: James
Date: Fri, Nov 13, 2009 at 7:10 PM
Subject: Our back yard Giant Guava
To: Denise

Hi Denise,

Look at this giant Guava from our back yard.
it’s big and it’s only one so far.

Daddy

Napping with the Dog

Posted on November 14, 2009 at 07:15pm

This is what my dad does at the beach :)