My Dad is a Fob

dadsfirsttextmessages

Posted on August 27, 2009 at 02:30am

text #1 from dad:
(Yo supYo supYosupYo)Jenfferedadcareyouforeq

my reply:
Wow congratulations! U sent me a text message

text #2 from dad:
Daftthankyouencourgene

Wah! Puppy Love

Posted on August 27, 2009 at 02:28am

My friend couldn’t take care of this puppy he found and had to give it away. I told my parents about the puppy. My dad did some research and sent me this email at work today:

Matt.: From google research, the begale is very active animal. She needs to exercise every day. Without the boundary or fence, she will run away due to hunting behavior. She needs a well training at the beginning otherwise she never obey her master. So before you bring her home, please finish the following things:

1. Setup the fence between our neighbor border .
2. Bought a dog carrier or cage.
3. Prepare dog food.
4. Prepare dog house.
5. bought the dog leash, toys, shampoo,……….

Wah! Good luck!
Dad

Watermelons Have Buttholes?

Posted on August 23, 2009 at 12:08am

Dad: Hey, isn’t this yellow watermelon so sweet?
Me: Yea, it’s pretty good.
Dad: You know how I choose it?
Me: You slap the watermelon, right? And pound it?
Mom: Yes, you have to slap the watermelon to see if there is juice.
Dad: NOOOPE. That’s not how you do it.
Me: Then how do you do it?
Dad: YOU POKE THE BUTTHOLE. AND IF THE BUTTHOLE IS HARD, THEN IT IS GOOD. IF THE BUTTHOLE IS SOFT, IT IS NO GOOD.

According to him, 10 out of 10 times it has worked.

One of a Kind

Posted on August 23, 2009 at 12:05am

When my parents were filling out my birth certificate, my dad wanted to name me after my godfather (whose first name is Jason). However my dad forgot how to spell Jason. So instead of my middle name being Jason, Jayson, Jaison, Jasen, or any variation that sounded like Jason, my name is now Kevin ‘Jessen’ Ho.

Get It On?

Posted on August 18, 2009 at 08:50am

I asked my dad if he remembered my mom’s birthday, which was last week, via text.

Dad: I forgot…
Me: Me too. What should I do? Should I write her an email
Dad: Have some action tonight.

I think he meant “take action”…

ET’s “Come Home” Testing

Posted on August 18, 2009 at 08:46am

My parents and I were on the way back home from the grocery and decided to pick up my little brother from school along the way. Because I was driving, I asked my dad to text my brother asking him to come to the neighborhood next to his school. My dad brought out his reading glasses and was intently texting 15 minutes straight.

My brother comes out of the school laughing with these texts in his inbox:

Dad: Test.
Dad: Come hond.
Dad: Come hood.
Dad: Test.

Mathematically Speaking…

Posted on August 14, 2009 at 10:28pm

Today is my 25th birthday, so my dad called.

Dad, “Happy birthday! You know, 25 years is the center of the normal curve. Your health will now start declining.”

Thanks, Dad.

Squarish Wetpants?

Posted on August 14, 2009 at 10:24pm

This is a conversation with my boyfriend’s dad:
(bf changes to cartoon channel, Spongebob comes on screen)

bf’s dad: Change channel please, I don’t like this show.
us: What, why? Spongebob is awesome!
bf’s dad: I don’t like the main character.
us: Um, what’s wrong with Spongebob?
bf’s dad: Don’t you think there’s something funny about the name Spongebob Wetpants?

You are a cool too, Dad!

Posted on August 13, 2009 at 07:16pm

Here’s an email my dad sent me after I told him that I got accepted into film school. This email was written in font 48, color = orange.

conglatiation!!

mi amor…..

very good!!

you are a cooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool..

Pornstar Papa

Posted on August 13, 2009 at 07:07pm

This is my father in law, who is pretty much the greatest person in existence. I asked him if he knew what the hat meant, and he responded “Of course I do! I have 3 kid!”