My Dad is a Fob

I thought “best” meant I couldn’t get any better

Posted on April 30, 2009 at 02:10pm

Dad’s birthday wishes started to sound urgent this year:

Colonoscopies and more

Posted on April 30, 2009 at 02:06pm

My dad and I were talking about colonoscopies on Skype. In the midst of all seriousness, he suddenly went off topic:

Dad: it is very uncomfrotable
Dad: But can find cancer in the initial stage
Me: oh yeah, i heard it’s painful. i think it’s called a colonoscopy
Dad: any girl show you …hole?
Dad: girl friend
Dad: yes
Dad: any …?

Some wine with that swine, Sir?

Posted on April 30, 2009 at 02:04pm

“Have you heard about the wine flu!? It’s already in Mexico, California, and Texas. Don’t drink alcohol.”

Flo Rida, this is MY jam!

Posted on April 28, 2009 at 11:33am

I was arguing with my dad:

me: You don’t understand!
dad: Y’all don’t understand! Oh hot damn!
me: What?
dad: In the ayer, ayer, ayer!
me: Okay..
dad: What does ‘ayer’ mean in teenager lingo anyways?
me: Just don’t ever say that again…

Touche.

Posted on April 24, 2009 at 02:57am

My dad is a pastor so I emailed him this funny quote on sermons…

Me: Hi dad, here’s a funny quote i found regarding sermons.

“The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.”
- George Burns

He then replied with…

Dad: Jake,

The secret of a good student is to have a good start and a good graduation, then having the two as close together as possible saving time and money.

Lub u too

Posted on April 24, 2009 at 02:55am

I was at a review session when I got this text from my dad

“Hi son, daddy text you!!! You have cool daddy!!!  Call cool daddy ok? I lub u!!”

Visually satiated

Posted on April 24, 2009 at 02:54am

I was driving on the 91 and the hills are covered in flowers:
Dad: wow! so beautiful! what a feast…
Me: what?
Dad: you know… feasting my eyes. what you never heard that?
Me: where did you learn that?
Dad: oh-oh-seven. you know james bond? i watch at uncle’s house. bond says that to women: what a feast for my eyes!

Next time won’t you sing with me?

Posted on April 24, 2009 at 02:53am

My younger sister tells me about one time when my dad was driving, she was listening to the radio and Rihanna’s song Umbrella comes on:

Rihanna: You can stand under my umbrella, ella, eh eh eh..
Dad: B B C C

We aiint rugs, dad.

Posted on April 24, 2009 at 02:52am

I had an interesting conversation with my dad earlier today.

We had a bbq and brought out the food umbrellas out to keep the critters
out.

dad: “How very Oriental of us to use these things.”
me: “Why do you say that?”
dad: “Remember when we used to use them in Japan?”
me: “Yea, but the term Oriental is derogatory. People from Europe back in
the day used that as a way to objectify and commodify Asians. Like,
describing an object or a flavor of top ramen or something. It’s also
negative in a sense where the wonderful missionaries felt the need to save
the backwards heathens of the east. The correct term to use these days is
‘Asian’ dad, and we ain’t rugs.”
*dad pauses for a moment*
dad: “Ok. Those umbrella’s are Oriental.”

I did a face plant in

3…
2…
1…

Gotta love your parents~

Close, but not quite

Posted on April 24, 2009 at 02:51am

This was a conversation between my sister and my dad. She was in high school and was talking about getting a car.

Sister: Dad, there’s a kid at my school that has an Escalade.
Dad: Escalade?
Sister: Yeah Escalade.
Dad: …. (stares)
Sister: You know what that is right?
Dad: yeah the thing you go up on…like in airports.
Sister: Dad, that’s an escalator…