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Email from my dad; I applied to U-Chicago, Wellesley, Dartmouth, and Cornell:
CiCi,
if you can join U-chicage, I will think about it no matter how many scholarship you can obtained. If you listion me early, you can go to same as Lubin or better, now it still not too later as long as you start to listion us. When can you finish your application form? please do as soon as possible including finance apply. Hope you can join U-chicage, Wislien, Dotermount and Cornell. Marry Chirstmans and Happy New Year to all of you.
YU
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Me: Don’t listen to anything I say right now. I’m just really crazy and hormonal.
Dad: Does hormonal mean you like girls?
Me: HORMONAL, NOT HOMOSEXUAL!
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Xiaowei, how are you dong? Too exited for Obama presidency? Have you heared chinese people make fun of american? They are joking that american usually say, oh, my god. Now american say, oh-ba-ma (oh-dad-mom).
dad
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dad: you always listen to this song
me: i like it!
dad: even i can sing it.. shorty got them apple bottom beans (echo: beans) boots with the fur..!
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My parents have been in Canada since high school but still make occasional grammatical errors. So I was mocking my mom:
me: Mom, you’re such a fob!
mom: I am not a fob! I came on a plane.
dad: She’s a fop.
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Me: Awehs I Think I Broke My Blue Tooth.
Dad: EYAH
Dad: You Have Blue Tooth?!? And You Break It? I Call Teath Doctor Now And Tell Him To Fix.
Me: Dad … Bluetooth is this thing on my ear to talk to people with.
Dad: Oh! That Bluetooth? I Think That Ear Infection.
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At a family party
Uncle: HOW DO YOU DO, DO YOU?
Me: ….?
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Dad: Maybe after your sister gets her new phone, you can have her strawberry.
Me: What strawberry?
Dad: You know, her phone!
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Brother: i went with one of my friends to the gym and i put the weight down on his bag, and i heard a crunch… i was thinking “i hope its a water bottle” but it was his phone.. DANGIT his screen cracked. and baba (dad) i know you think i was being careless but he moved the bench, so his bag was exposed… and i put it down lightly, but since it’s a heavy weight it didn’t make much of a difference. anyway i said i’ll cover the cost of a replacement screen.. it’ll be around 150 or something
Dad: May I ask why do you have to put a heavy weight on someone’s bag? Did the situation call for it? Like there was a mouse on it?
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On the car ride to school
Dad: Why are you wearing eyeliner?
Me: To not look sleepy.
Dad: It makes you look…
after a series of grunts and unhappy noises
Dad: INDECENT. STOP WEARING IT!
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