My Dad is a Fob

Dark Mouth University

Posted on January 30, 2009 at 10:19pm

*dad was hassling my brothers about their potential college picks.

dad: do you know what college J said he was thinking about?
me: no. which one?
dad: dartmouth
me: that’s a good choice
dad: what do you mean good choice?! how am i supposed to tell your grandparents your brother wants to go to “hei jui ba” college??? (literally translated, that means “dark mouth” in chinese).

A new star is born

Posted on January 30, 2009 at 09:41pm

I wasn’t sure how my parents would cope with their empty nest, with both my brother and I leaving for school this year. Apparently, my mom has taken up Chinese dancing with the other ladies at church, and I got the following email from my dad yesterday:

Mom is intensively to practice her dance. She also enhances her cosmatics – wear fake nail, dancing ear ring and painting face. We will see a new star is born. I think my eyes will get itchy!

That’s how I do

Posted on January 29, 2009 at 06:59am

Dad: I fixed the garage door opener today.
Me: I thought you hired someone to fix it.
Dad: I fixed it with money.

Americans like food

Posted on January 29, 2009 at 06:55am

Last year, my family went to the wedding of a family friend who was marrying into a Caucasian family.

In the car on the way up:
Dad: What’s Helen’s husband’s name?
Me: The groom? Chase.
Dad: Cheese?
Me: No, Chaaaase.
Dad: Cheeeeese?
Me: Chaaaase.
Dad: Chaaaeeees?
Me: uh… better.

Later, during the reception, the groom’s younger brother walks by our table:

Dad: What’s Chese’s brother’s name?
Me: Silas.
Dad: What? SA-LA?! What’s with this family? One son called Cheese and the other Salad!

I like alliteration

Posted on January 29, 2009 at 06:53am

Dad: I just watched a very good movie. You should watch. You like cry-crackers?
Me: …?
Dad: You know! Cry-crackers! Make you cry!
Me: Tear-jerkers?

Yo wutz up

Posted on January 29, 2009 at 06:50am

I wanted to take this summer class in taiwan for this summer, and when i sent an email to my dad about it I typed the date wrong and said it started on july 15, while it really starts on July 5th. My proposed plan was to go to china for a month and then go to taiwan for the class. My hip dad, upon reading the website and seeing the correct date, repliees with this.

Hi yo wutz up Mona!

From the linked web site, the summer class will begin July 5, 2009 and end August 15, 2009. Based on your plan, after your china trip, it is July 15 and the class will pass ten days. I am worry you will fail the class and got grade F. It is too bad and it will impact your application for Hass in next year. Does it? Based on above reasons, my suggestion is to give up your plan and day dream. What is your opinion?  Ha Ha Ha!

UR Daddy

No need for the tatt

Posted on January 29, 2009 at 06:48am

My fiance had a tattoo of the Chinese character “to dream” on her back, and my aunts were talking about it, leaving my fiance awkwardly alone with my dad,  and he said:

“So…you meet Bruce…dream come true”

Just warning you

Posted on January 29, 2009 at 06:36am

I’ve been talking to my dad about going to FIDM to do their post degree option and having them financially support me as I live on my own. But, my mom is in charge of finances so he was giving me some tips of making my proposal. After our conversation I get a text from his that says:

“Stephanie,
Mamy is playing majiang today and she might losing money. So be careful to bring your proposal today. Because she might have a bad mood.
Dad.”

Forget your job, be a cook!

Posted on January 27, 2009 at 10:51pm

My sister works as a recruiter for one of the largest recruiting firms in the world and just closed a high profile search that was featured in the news. She sent an e-mail to my family and this is my father’s response.

Good job, pokey. Keep up the good work. Waddy and Mommy are so proud of you. Actually we’re proud of all of you. I heard Mommers say that your brother is doing a lot of cooking, surprisingly. Actually it wouldn’t hurt to someday take a cooking class. Good cooks that can throw a great party are popular and in great demand.

Stop lying to me

Posted on January 27, 2009 at 10:49pm

Dad: Should I get Blueberry Boat?
Me: A what?
Dad: Blueberry Boat. That or iPod Touch Phone?
Me: iPhone?
Dad: iPod phone.
Brother: Do you mean a BlackBerry Bold?
Dad: Blueberry Bold, you know what I meant.
Brother: BLACKBerry Bold.
Dad: Blueberry Bold. I know it’s called that, don’t think your Daddy stupid.
Brother: But it really is-
Dad: Remember what I said last time about correct me on Blueteeth?
Me: It’s BlueTOOTH-
Dad: See, I know better than you two, I won’t get trick anymore.