My Dad is a Fob

Self-celebratory text message

Posted on October 25, 2008 at 03:16pm

Dad: happy birth to me!
Me: sorry, dad…i knew it was your birthday, but i didn’t have a chance to call you before class
Dad: oh ok i just want you to share glorious happy birth!

Awkward car ride

Posted on October 25, 2008 at 03:14pm

Friend: I would only date Indian guys.
Dad: Do Indian guys turn you on?

Advice for college

Posted on October 25, 2008 at 02:14pm

Dad: Son, remember that time in 3rd grade when you cut that girl’s hair and her mom came up to me a few days later and told me that my son cut her daughter’s hair?
Me: Uhh… yes…
Dad: Well, I just don’t want a girl’s mom to come up to me and tell me that her daughter is pregnant with my son’s child. OK?

In need of ’sexual behavior’

Posted on October 25, 2008 at 11:54am

Dear Derek,

I ordered a book tittled: sexual behavior in the human female by alfred kinsey on Oct/20 or 10/24 through half.com, it costs $42.99+$3.99 shipping. they promised to ship out on Oct/24, now is almost three weeks the book is till not here, I think it might get lost or they forgot to ship out. Anyway, here is my ebay account : [redacted], ID:[redacted], paypal passord: [redacted] and ebay password: [redacted]. Can you check for me?

love,

dad

Table manners

Posted on October 25, 2008 at 11:48am

In order not to miss any potential good man who might be particularly care about his future wife’s eating manner, it may be a good idea to finish all foods on the plate when you go out with him. It’s parents’ responsibility to tell you about this.

Inquiry about the shit

Posted on October 25, 2008 at 07:19am

Me:

A question came up this weekend. Remember when you had the portable toilet in the pinto for use during laundry runs and the rose parade. Who emptied that out and did it smell up the whole car? Did you empty it out before we drove home?

Dad:

Why you asked? In the first place, The real portable toilet that we used was in the 26 ft boat in Newport Beach. That was too big and could not fit in the back of the car anyway. We cleaned it up at the public toilet at the boat storage.

Actually, we just used a plastic pot with a lid. And my daughters’ shit did not sint. No, we empted it when we got home, because there was no place to dump the dane thing. Except on a long trip as going to Grand Canyon or to Idaho. We would empty it at the stop or gas station. Who did the dirty job? Probably Mom and I both did.

Why you asked?

Cats rule dogs drool

Posted on October 25, 2008 at 07:08am

Dear Daughter,

You really got other kind of Baby!?
He or she really looks cool, browny color and beautiful!
How much you paid for it?
You need to train her or him from begining or let pet shop trainner do it for you, otherwise he would not behave right. I heard before cat can do toilet thing by themself and smarter than dog!

Bring him back on next home trip!

Take care yourself and of him.

Dad with love.

Stumped

Posted on October 25, 2008 at 06:59am

Me: Why do they ask for brand names in the Philippines when we can’t even afford brand names for ourselves?
Dad: It’s a colonial mentality.
Me: Wow.
Dad: Ano? You don’t know your dad is speaking English?
Me: Of course I know you speak English, it’s just the wording…
Dad: Oh! You’re so smart, ha? Are you aware of the fortuitous events of the happenstances?
Me: What?
Dad: Ahh… see, you don’t know that one.

Words to live by

Posted on October 25, 2008 at 06:59am

daddy

Sound yamy!

Posted on October 25, 2008 at 06:51am

Serena:

hey today we had sashimi and the yunnans wasabi was sooooooo spicy i bought a tube for you. also, at hte old town, there was a guy on the street writing poems with peoples names, so mommy told him to write one with your names. kind of cool. i took a lot of pictures! i’ll see if i can upload them

Daddy:

what kind fish for sashimi, from lake or river, sound yamy!